So here I was, sitting in front of my monitor, it’s 10 pm. I woke up at 2pm because I was up late and it’s my day off. I stayed home today and tried to be at least somewhat productive. I chatted with my friend about forming a band, researched what piano I should buy as well as other equipment. I thought some more about the design for my game app and messaged some random girls on dating sites. I was gonna frequent the gym but that got canceled. No biggie, there’s always tomorrow. I was gonna code the app a bit today, but didn’t get around to it. That’s okay too because i wanna write down the final design first. That’s about it for today, work is at 6 am so I should go sleep before 11 pm.
All in all just an average day in a guy’s life right?
Maybe, but something was different today, for some reason negative energy started to build up throughout the day and slowly overwhelm me. Maybe it was related to this whole band thing which is just another mental strain on my mind in addition to everything else. Maybe it’s because I wanted to actually work on the app and I feel bad that I didn’t, heck I didn’t even write the design down yet. Maybe it’s because I didn’t have much luck on the dating site today. Maybe it’s because I didn’t go to the gym when I should have. Maybe it’s my mother always chattering about bad news around the world. Maybe it’s the Native American spirity flute music I put on that is making me feel small and insignificant. Maybe it was all those things combined that built up this feeling of despair inside my mind and body.
It doesn’t matter what it was, the point is that here I was in front of my monitor, it’s 10 pm and I can feel all that built up negativeness testing my resolve, squeezing me from the inside, filling my mind with sludge and making me feel sluggish and alone. For a second there my goal of financial freedom felt truly unreachable and that I should just give up now without wasting any more time trying to write checks my body can’t cash.
But only for a second.
Instead of letting the negative thoughts and feelings fully overwhelm and stagnate me, I let out a short loud scream of resistance, then another one, and maybe one more for good riddance. It scared the hell out of my cat but that’s okay he’ll be fine. The point is I immediately felt much better as if some primal force within my brain gave me a sense of purpose, a reason to live, like some kind of survival instinct. There’s no need for logical reasoning or meaning of life thoughts when primal forces are involved.
What’s important here is that it worked, so use it. We’re human beings with complex brains that we still can’t fully understand and probably won’t for awhile. The simplest way to change how you feel is to just get primal about it. It’s “uncivilized” but whatever, who gives a fuck.
Just do it.
Same thing happened to me before. But since I quit my job and put my focus on my website, there hasn’t been one day where I felt upset. Its crazy. I always wake up feeling good about myself, lol. Good post though.
A little screaming is good for the soul. I teach a Taekwondo class and one of the first things we teach our students is to “kiyap” or in layman’s terms, yell really fucking loud. Screaming/Shouting/Yelling is powerful. It amps you up. It gets the adrenaline going. It garners attention. It scares the hell out of whoever thought of messing with you.
The trick is, it has got to come from deep down – physically, mentally, emotionally – or else it doesn’t do shit. You can tell a real yell from a fake one instantly.
Well I’ll tell you one thing, I definitely wanted to change how I felt at that moment, and fast. To this day it hasn’t gotten that bad again, thankfully.
The Blues stopper is apparently desperate to be reunited with his partner and kid, who still live in Madrid.