app wise this month has been abysmal as usual but

i did practice 1 hour zhan zhuang every single day, maybe i missed like 2 days in the last 30, and its really been feeling more profound lately. I mean shit i been waking up feeling lazy and apathetic but 5 minutes into ZZ my mental state starts becoming happy and 40 minutes into it im smiling and laughing sometimes for no reason, i just start feeling good.

I really feel this is the way, the mental tranquility and physical comfort and circulation that ZZ cultivates is tremendously healing. I think im on the right track for real.

I didn’t skip any of my kung fu lessons either, since i started 2 months back. I guess subconsciously i can feel what’s truly important for me.
The porn addiction has been brutally hard to give up but it seems it catches me when my posture starts slouching too much at the computer late at night. God knows when i’m experiencing the benefits of ZZ i have no urges whatsover i feel very powerful and in control.

The youtube channel has made 4500 this month, that shit is fukin insane in my book considering i only got about that much in my bank, and ive barely worked 5 to 10 hours a week so far at amazon whole foods.

So all in all, im really wanting to double down on ZZ, practice 1 hour in morning and again for 1 hour in afternoon to increase the progression and benefits further. I’m really starting to enjoy the standing a lot now cause the pain has been decreasing a lot. I have finally paid some dues so to speak.

Same thing with the workouts i gotta keep it up and get stronger and stronger, when it comes to that it really is true that you either take a step forward or a step backward, no middle ground.

Stagnation Report 10/19

10/31/19
539pm
woke up lazy
slept another 4 hours
did ZZ 1 hour
mind emptied
body felt energizd
started laughing
ZZ is the gateway
the meaning of life is felt, not thought
“Relaxed but not loose, tense but not stiff”
“You are going through a furnace, everything mental and physical is being tempered and molded”

just standing 5 minute i started feeling happy a little
40 minutes into it i felt joy
my mood is so good now,
and its not faking it, not trying to force anything
i truly feel joyful, jolly.
This is the state of mind that is life changing.

10/29/19
1033pm
no i can’t stop, gotta take it slow and practice zz 24/7. ima do 1 hour zz every 12 hours.
318pm
i think slowing down becomes slouching for me.
When i put a little more oomph into the standing, i can almost feel virtuous courage cultivate within me. I woke up today lazy as usual, and i slept like 12 hours.
Relaxed but not loose, tense but not stiff. THat’s the saying.

10/28/19
949pm
so in ZZ practice you must maintain discipline to resist the impatience to stop.
In daily life you take things Slow to be as close to ZZ as possible while in movement, and you must maintain discipline to resist the impatience to speed up and move faster and get more agitated.
Same discipline. I’m really focusing now on doing ZZ 24/7, im good enough now that if i really slow down and even if i just stand still for 1 minute i can start feeling good effects of my body relaxing and balancing and in few more minutes the blood flow to my hands becomes stronger, my hands get warmer. I become a little more mellow but not slouchy, in a good way. I gotta maintain this, this is training. This is TRAINING.

10/22/19
117am
ZZ 24/7
worked on app!

10/17/19
523pm
slow living day 2

10/15/19
806am
worked all night to make another youtube video.
Fuck it man its time to live balls to the walls, im pretty tired right now but i feel good in a kind of involved way. like ive walked on the path forward as it should be. good good.

10/3/19
1206pm
SPIRITUAL ENERGY!